Meet Bigfoot

Where he comes from

Nobody knows for sure. People in the Pacific Northwest have been reporting him for as long as they’ve been writing things down, and the rest of the country caught up eventually.

He has no address, no phone, and no social media. He also has no embarrassing college photos, which already puts him ahead of most people who run for office.

He grew up the way a lot of us did: outside, mostly unsupervised, a little nervous around camcorders. He still is.

Never been caught

Politics is full of leaked recordings and bad camera angles. Bigfoot has avoided all of it for decades, mostly by being somewhere else.

He takes no donations and has no lobbyists. If you want to support the campaign, the official policy is berries, left near a trailhead. We can’t promise anyone will pick them up.

“People have been looking for him for seventy years. That’s a guy who can keep a secret.”
— A supporter, standing behind a tree

A footprint in all 50 states

Other candidates like to say they’ve visited every state. He’s left evidence in every one of them. Washington and Oregon have the most reports. Florida has a surprising number. There’s a man in Ohio who is absolutely sure.

We call that a fifty-state strategy.

Why he’s running

He wants the forests left alone, and he’s tired of trail cameras. Mostly, though, he’s been watching both parties from the treeline for a long time, and he thinks you deserve a better choice than picking which one lets you down less. The rest of the platform grew from there.

If that sounds good to you, pledge your vote. Bigfoot for President. Squatch the Vote.